STUCK

November 26, 2019

When I was first saved, it was easy to worship God and bask in His forgiveness.  My life was such a contrast before and after being born again.  A transformation took place and I was very aware of my sins.  Then began the difficult but rewarding journey of sanctification as I began to resist and get rid of my sinful and worldly habits.  

I remember so distinctly the first time I “messed up”.  I had laid down smoking pot and alcohol, but when I traveled to my hometown and went to see my old friends – straight up – I fell.  I blew my witness and I was so angry at myself.  I knew Satan was laughing and mocking God as well.  

I drove to the parking lot of a church and sat there crying.  Beating myself up.  Others lives were at stake too.  My witness was important to God and the kingdom because many were watching me to see if this was real.  Nevertheless – I blew it.  I knew it.  I could not forgive myself.

It was raining and night time as I sat in the car.  Then I felt like the Lord was upset with me.  I had’t felt it before.  He was actually more upset that I was “flogging” myself than He was of the sin I had committed.  As I looked up through teary eyes – I saw what looked like three crosses.  I don’t know if it was a vision or glare from my tears – but then I heard the voice of the Lord inside my heart (John 10:27) – stern and a bit agitated at me.  He said, as I looked at the crosses, “I did this, so you don’t have to do that.”

I wanted to “beat” myself up for being so stupid and blowing my witness, but God only wanted me to repent, forgive myself and move forward.  I was only damaging myself with my “self hate”.   And He did not want that for me.

I have struggled with that during my life.  I hate to miss the mark or sin against God in disobedience and I KNOW how much I deserve punishment.  I hate the flippant way people just trample on God’s grace and I don’t want to be that kind of a person.  Neither does God want us to be.  But sometimes we just can’t fix things and that is how it is.  I could not go and undo my actions.  All I could do was keep walking with God and pray that my old friends would still see that Jesus was in my life and that He would be glorified.  

It is important that we feel remorse.  If we don’t feel remorse for sin there is something wrong with our relationship with God.  He feels our sin.  It hurts and grieves Him, which is why we need to deal with it.  It is not good to let anything come between you and another person or the relationship can be lost.  Same with God – we can slowly become lukewarm when we blow off feeling bad for sins and repenting.

The easiest way to do so is to remember that God doesn’t want us to be stuck in the “feeling bad” place, though it’s important to make sure we still “feel”!  He wants us to give it to Him, ask Him to help us not do it again, and keep walking with Him.  Sometimes we have to have faith that God will fix what we did too.  I have often missed opportunities to witness to someone and had to ask God to bring another person across their path to take care of what I missed.  

May God help us to stay “sensitized” to His Holy Spirit.  Awake to a vibrant and good relationship with Him.  Knowing that He is “for us and not against us”  (Rom. 8:31)

Our life with God is meant to be rich and fruitful, full of adventure.  I pray we are not robbed of that by getting stuck in one place or another!   God bless you abundantly and have a great day.